#It’s an Aof show Day

[chicademartinica]

Aof when I catch you Aof WHEN I CATCH YOU !

[chalkrevelations]

I keep stumbling across these defenses of Day's behavior toward Night on the grounds that Day's going through a lot and he's got a lot of understandable anger and he's pushing back against people around him, including his family, as he struggles to assert his autonomy as a person with a new disability, and mn. No.

He is going through a lot and he does have a lot of understandable anger and he is struggling to assert his autonomy in relation to the people around him, including his family, who - after watching him spend a year being resistant to care and shutting himself up in an atavistic slovenly nest his room, refusing to interact with anyone and telling them to lie about his condition to everyone, not to mention walking into traffic out of spite - is, no, not reacting perfectly to their not only new but ever-changing and uncertain circumstances.

But. This is like that post that goes around sometimes that talks about how mental illness does not give you carte blanche to treat other people badly. Neither does Day's disability.

Day being angry and having to deal with that anger is absolutely valid. Day using Night as his whipping boy to take out his frustrations on, wherever those frustrations came from, is bullshit inappropriate bullshit and inappropriate and also a great way to continually ramp up toxicity levels in the family environment. Families of disabled people are not required to endure abuse from them. And Day is absolutely verbally and emotionally abusive toward Night - this is the dynamic we see between the brothers from the first time we see them alone together, in Ep 1, when Day tells Night that no one will ever care about Night, once Day gets his sight back. Night literally, resignedly, calls himself the "villain" to Day's "hero" in their dynamic, and the fact that he's accepted that role, after a year? more, if issues between them pre-date the accident? of Day treating him this way is fucked up. The distance he's learned to keep from Day, the fact that he wouldn't feel like he could bring his friends to his own house if Day is going to be outside his room - all of that is a problem. No, Night doesn't touch Day, doesn't offer the assurance of touch the way Mork constantly does - I can't imagine Night getting anything back other than a bleeding stump if he reached out (lit. and fig.) to touch Day. The first time we see Night touch Day, we see Day deliberately pull his arm away. Day has explicitly demonstrated that he doesn't want Night touching him.

Both of Day's most vicious interactions with Night occur away from their mother, and I submit that this is because Day knows that level of behavior is unjustified, he knows it's wrong - that it's indefensible - and he does it anyway, he just makes sure there aren't witnesses to it. The fact that he's willing to do it in front of Mork, at this point - to assume that Mork will allow it to happen - actually speaks volumes to Day's own assuredness where Mork is concerned. And he turns out to be right. Mork lets him get away with it - despite Mork, himself, being an object lesson on where lashing out will get you.

Day, himself, told Mork he was an asshole before the accident, and I trust Aof enough to not expect inspiration porn about how his disability has suddenly made Day more understanding and patient and kind and tolerant. Day spends their first interaction bullying Mork, throwing around his own socioeconomic status (which is when we get one of the Night reaction shots, interestingly) and attempting sexual harassment, to the point where his mother cuts him off. Mork can push back because he could walk out the door and never see this asshole again, if he wanted. Night doesn't have that escape. (Nevertheless, we also see Night get up to try to place himself bodily between Mork and Day in that scene, to try to shield Day, when Mork starts moving toward Day during their confrontation.)

The idea that Day has justifiable anger issues and is struggling and the idea that the ways he sometimes expresses this and how he hurts people around him is wrong - these are ideas that can co-exist. Day does not have to be a perfect angel for his disability and his struggles with it to be valid. He does not have to be perfectly justified for some of his issues with the people around him - including his family - to be legitimate. Let Day Also Be A Complex Character 2K24 - and that includes allowing him the space to acknowledge that he's wrong and petty and mean, sometimes. Especially to his brother.

[dudeyuri]

i know I’m not alone in this but my favorite thing mhok did this episode, out of all the sweet things he did, was urge day out of his comfort zone to set a plan with august. it spoke volumes about his character and about his relationship with day. it was just such a refreshing turn of events (that led to a cute practice date sequence)

this ep set up mhokday v. augustday in a way I can really only call “juicy” lmao. day makes excuses for and takes on the onus of talking august down from his flighty and flaky tendencies; mhok is day’s anchor, in a myriad of ways, and when he wasn’t there for day during that scene in the markets, it was of course in no way positioned as day’s responsibility. day had to strive to earn august’s acceptance; mhok’s acceptance has been unconditional even if it took some trial and error for him to understand day (I think their relationship is built on a deepening understanding of each other, fostering this two-way acceptance). day and august were assigned to each other; day chose mhok and mhok chose day. august surreptitiously walks away from day’s feelings; mhok shoulders them despite his own.

we’re shown right off the bat in ep5 that august and day’s relationship strikes something like jealousy in mhok. but this is a grown ass man with a caretaking job. even as he blurs the line between caretaker and suitor he remembers his place—his place as day’s friend and phi even more than as his caretaker imo. above all else he wants to help day push past self-isolating tendencies (look at all the friends who love day! he’s not meant to be holed up in his room!)(and I mean, this is personal for him! not just as someone with feelings for day, but as someone who lived through the suicide of his sister and as someone who had been in jail before).

and the way he reacts to day’s confession of feelings for august—we see that day is not the only heartbroken one here, but mhok doesn’t let day in on that. there are more than a few things he doesn’t let day in on, in this scene lol. he didn’t even divulge the full story of rung’s tragedy (just as day only hinted at what happened between him and night). mhok is just fully present for day as day deals with his own heartbreak. whereas in august and day’s relationship as badminton partners, august’s feelings formed the center of their relationship, and he often left day scrambling just to appease him.

there’s probably some comparison to be made between mhok stepping in and setting up dinner plans for august and day, and august insisting that he will never have another badminton partner if it’s not day. it’s like love v. possessiveness. mhok has this maturity that is really compelling, makes sense with his character, and again is just soooo refreshing

mhok has made a few self-deprecating comments about lacking tenderness, a hang-up informed by his past and by his sister’s suicide, but damn if this man isn’t the paragon of devotion idk what he is. and because of all this, because we’re seeing mhok place his feelings second to caring for day, i am of course looking forward to seeing mhok’s feelings prioritized alongside day’s and his insecurities addressed as the series progresses. in conclusion, what a mensch

[thatgirl4815]

Mork has struck such a perfect balance between helping Day and letting Day do things for himself. Despite only knowing him for a short time, somehow he’s grasped much more than Day’s own family that Day needs to feel some control over his life. His mother makes decisions for him in what she thinks is his best interest, acting like his capacity to make decisions went away with his eyesight. Even she doesn’t seem to view him as a whole person anymore.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

lowkey obsessed with Aof Noppharnach’s consistent but subtle shade at Christmas. The Grinch of Thai BL.

[gillyweedgrl]

My favourite part of the entire episode was the fact that Mohk, despite being visibly scared and concerned for Day when he can’t find him, stops and takes the time to change into the pink milk shirt.

He understands how Day’s vision impairment works and knows that wearing that shirt will help to reassure Day when he does find him. Because he will find him, no matter how long it takes.

And to follow that up with Day not even batting an eyelash when confronted by his mother at their home, that was just *chefs kiss* despite the traumatic experience Day had after the market, he feels so comfortable with Mohk that he just doesn’t care what his mother has to say about him, it doesn’t affect Mohk’s ability to care for him.

Something about Mhok bringing brilliance and clarity back into Day's life while Day brings a safe place and being needed back into Mhok's and how they fit together and improve each other and help each other just by being there.

(Day wearing a shirt with a red and white cane while Mhok wears brilliant pink, both of them changing a part of their visible identity because they're together and showing the world that they can, and will, grow with each other.)

[lurkingshan]

Shan, have you seen this answer of P'Aof to the question "If you could go back, would you have let Day stay blind?" https://x(dot)com/Itsjuzm3/status/1836817566398042506 He talked about MhokDay breakup in ep.11 too. https://x(dot)com/Itsjuzm3/status/1836848070639640725

Any thoughts?

Woof, did not expect this to come back around, and these responses don’t really shift my perspective. The first answer is rooted in casual ableism (he seems to believe the only legitimate hope is to have Day’s eyesight restored, and if they showed him getting his happy ending while blind that would necessarily be a story about him overcoming not being “perfect”), and the second is making the case that Day was doing a form of noble idiocy with the breakup, which 1) wasn’t really how it was depicted on screen and 2) is also disrespectful of Mhok and still leaves their relationship hopelessly unbalanced. Noble idiocy is cruel, and when Mhok returned Day still did not make amends for the way he abandoned him and instead forced Mhok to pursue him again. It was selfish and awful whether you buy into this interpretation or not.

On top of all that, I question his assertion that the core theme of the show was “hope” as defined by Day getting his sight back. If that is what he truly intended, I don’t think that came across well for the majority of the show. The narrative for the first nine episodes was far more rooted in Day’s struggles to accept his disability, overcome family trauma, and let Mhok in as a trusted loved one; NOT in a focus on getting his sight back at all costs. To be perfectly honest, it sounds like something Aof invented as a justification for this ending. The quiet part he’s not saying out loud is they wanted dramatic happenings at the end of the show to create tension. It does seem that people in the room fought him on these choices, but this is what he ultimately decided to do.

I still believe what I did back when this show was airing: if you’re going to make a show about a marginalized experience that you have not lived and don’t really understand, you need to pay attention to the messages you are sending with that work and approach it with care and humility. Nothing in this response makes me think he has truly understood why those choices were offensive to so many people, or why it wasn’t just the fact of Day’s restored vision, but the way the show (and he in this interview) frames it to imply a happy ending where Day is still blind could not support the theme of hope.

[rythyme]

hello ok so i saw your recent ex-morning posts and like i watched sotus but i have No Idea what's going on at the moment. f it's not too much effort can you explain why the ex-morning stuff is so, i dunno how to say it, noteworthy, i guess? like just what's up maybe?

Tl;dr: The Ex-Morning is GMMTV's literal RPF with the serial numbers filed off, starring the actors from said RPF.

i'll do my best to explain more under the cut

ok let's do this

SOTUS and KristSingto were some of the biggest cash cows GMMTV has ever had. I would argue that the success of SOTUS in 2016 is the main reason we have a BL renaissance today.

Krist and Singto have not acted together since 2018. Until recently, it was assumed that they would never be paired up again.

There were rumors that they had a falling out, which supposedly explained why they stopped acting together. Mostly speculation, but who knows.

Krist made a poor taste comment a while back that led to him being somewhat "cancelled" for a few years. He only started dipping his toes back into BL last year.

Singto, on the other hand, never stopped acting in BLs and has had at least 6 on-screen male acting partners since then (maybe more if you count his one-sided crushes on Mike and Lee Thanat in Baker Boys, or whatever the hell was going on in Shadow). This is very notable, since the BL business model tends to keep acting pairs in the same "ship" for years at a time.

Acting pairs almost never "get back together" after getting a new male acting partner. The literal only exception I can think of is when Tay Tawan acted with Joss Wayar in 3 Will Be Free and then continued to act with New in DBK/Cherry Magic.

Despite everything, KristSingto is still extremely popular among fans to this day and is still one of the most popular "ships" of all time.

When Singto's schedule opened up, GMMTV finally got the opportunity to profit off of it again -- in the most intentional and transparent way possible.

The plot of The Ex-Morning -- exes reuniting and falling for each other again -- mirrors the careers and relationship of Singto and Krist. The fact that Krist's character has a publicity blunder and has to restore his reputation is even more fuel for the fire.

The director for The Ex-Morning is the same director who made SOTUS

The flashback in The Ex-Morning shows Krist and Singto with their signature iced coffee and pink milk, which intentionally calls back to their characters in SOTUS.

P'Aof, who is said to be writing some of the screenplay for The Ex-Morning, said that he wrote it to match Krist and Singto's relationship. This story was tailor made for them.

Conclusion: GMMTV is going for the SOTUS / KristSingto cash grab by essentially having Aof write some kind of amalgamation of KristSingto RPF and SOTUS post-canon future fic.

Do I know that it's a blatant cash grab? Yes. Will I will be watching it anyway because it looks low-key good in its own right? Also yes.

[monzamash]

it's impossible to win — daniel ricciardo

daniel ricciardo x you (femreader) | 2.5k summary – when you buy concert tickets with your ex but break up a couple of months before the gig, do you go or cut your losses? rating – mature (sexual references, coarse language) a/n – this was inspired by a lovely ask i received during my 2k celebration and based around the band alexisonfire x masterlist

just sent you the AOF tickets.

i told you to keep yours. you love them as much as i do. read

The glow of your phone was too bright, too harsh and so was the reality you didn’t want to face any time soon. You couldn’t keep them. How could you when the reputation of being the ‘notorious ex girlfriend of Daniel Ricciardo’ – man of the people, loved by millions shadowed you everywhere you went?

He was loved more than most and certainly more than you.

She was never good enough anyway; a parasite, they said when the news broke on the petty gossip pages, exposing that you and Daniel were no longer together, itemising every little detail of your downfall for the world to see. Those years of memories, years of loving privately disappeared and in its place were painful ones to heal. They were the best years of your life, or so you thought – blissfully unaware of the distance slowly growing between you and the man you loved more than most – but it wasn’t enough.

You weren't enough to fight for and especially not enough to love more than driving around a racetrack eight months out of the year. He was never there, out of sight and out of mind, leaving you battling for his attention. You weren’t cut out for it, simply put by him while on the other side of the world. It started as a late night phone call to ease the ache in your chest and to keep him close but he couldn’t have been further away. Physically and emotionally. Drifting.

“Babe, this is what you signed up for.”

“No, it’s what I tolerate – it’s what I sacrifice to love you.”

You broke down, knowing this was the end of your relationship and the only thing you could genuinely put your name to. You had lost yourself completely to his life, no longer something you could call your own. Abandoned dreams and forsaken friendships all so you could be there for him; drawn in to his world, naively consumed by his safety and the promise of a life lived together, not divided by oceans – lost to the fishes.

That was until you re-emerged from the lavish hotels and the private planes, sans Daniel – sans your soulmate. The day you ended that phone call, you knew he would be the hardest one to let go of; eternally the one that got away and the one relationship you would have to tell future boyfriends about. And they would probably gasp and ask, not the formula one driver? and you would have to nod and quash their insecurities because everyone loved Daniel.

But nobody loved him more than you do – did. Not even close.

“He said you should use the ticket and honestly, I don’t even think he’ll show up. He hasn’t come to anything we’ve organised since you two broke up – he’s not the kid we knew back in high school anymore… That’s why you dumped his arse, right?”

Right, but you couldn’t say that.

“I didn’t dump him. I just…” Just told him that he’s wasted the best years of my life chasing him around the world.

“… Said that if he couldn’t be there when I needed him or spent more than two seconds a year with me then I couldn’t do it anymore. And that’s it.” Well, not exactly.

“Sounds like a dumping to me and rightfully so. Look, I love Danny but he’s hard to be friends with, let alone pretending to be in domestic bliss with…”

Yes, but you respected Daniel too much to admit that. Hannah was his friend too, all of them were. You were kids all grown up, now adults wading their way through the treacherous seas of the real world, pretending like they had it all figured out. Ungracefully and riddled with anxiety but finally immune to bullshit and aware of what to expect out of an adult relationship.

The standards were higher now than when you were young and in love. Daniel was your childhood best friend, after all. Or more accurately, the boy you met on the first day of high school, all crooked teeth and bundles of frizzy brown curls. You were acne-ridden and shy, the weirdo girl, they called you until you became friends with Danny. He knew everyone and was loved by everyone – that was the one trait that had followed him through life.

He was the class clown and a cute distraction from the torture of high school but you weren’t the only one who thought so. Lunchtime quickly became your favourite part of every day because you got to sit beside him and eat your Vegemite sandwich, knowing all the other girls in your year seethed seeing you with him. 'That weird mole and Riccardo being friends doesn’t make sense' they’d whisper thinking you couldn’t hear them. But you could and they were right about one thing – you were only friends.

The slightest scent of a spring breeze reminded you of the hours you spent sat under the shady gum trees, watching him playing footy with the other boys while you fiddled with your walk-man and scratched the discs beyond repair as you changed them out, battling with the Sony aux chord that was hanging on for dear life by a slither of duct tape. You were fifteen when Daniel handed you a burnt CD with a hand-drawn skull in the shape of a heart and the letters AOF written in bold black sharpie, smudged from his impatience.

“What’s this?” You asked with squinted eyes, looking up at him and the blistering sun.

“The best fucking album you’ll ever hear.”

He told you years later that he was so proud of himself, thrilled that he was showing you new music. His competitive streak wasn’t exclusive to the karting track – no, it snuck its way into everything he did, specifically when it came to album recommendations and especially with you.

“It’s called Watch Out by Alexisonfire… you know, that punk band I said you would love. Give it a try. I promise it’s better than that fuckin’ Offspring album you won’t stop listenin’ to.”

“Well even if I do like it, I wont tell you now dickhead.”

But he was right. So infuriatingly right. You loved it, maybe because you loved him. He was your best friend, your closest confidante, your twin flame – all cheesy grin and beautiful brown eyes. Lips so full that whenever he spoke, you couldn’t look away. Dangerously entranced by your best friend. A label that haunted you every time it slipped from his tongue and one you desperately wanted to rip off like a band-aid.

You thought those feelings would be the kind of ones you'd painfully bury and take to your grave, heartbreakingly unrequited – until you found a hand-written note crumpled up at the bottom of the ripped CD sleeve. The blotchy blue pen and creases in the lined paper made it hard for you to read his distinctive, yet messy boyish cursive.

song 4 – side walk when she walks (made me think of you)

The sound of frantic clicking bounced off your lilac coloured walls as you skipped to track four; a spinning screech filled the anticipated silence before the sound of a melodic guitar filtered through the muffled headset.

Dressed to kill, you look so right I am drunk with lust tonight Your wounds are opening wide And they might be just my size

Warmth rushed to your chest, your neck and up to your cheeks when you realised what it all meant. And it wasn’t the last time Daniel made your body feel like it was on fire, sitting on his messy bedroom floor and kissing until you couldn’t breathe, the soft sounds of your new favourite band playing on his stereo – heart beating so fast you could’ve died, happily in his arms.

But you weren’t horny teenagers anymore and that memory was blurrier now than it had ever been. It had been muddied with all the sad ones, the fights and the tears – the irreversible emotional damage that you had done to each other. You weren’t a saint, god knows and you took full responsibility for your part and so did Daniel. But that was where it ended – in a seemingly amicable split.

No love lost, only misplaced for a while.

It felt like all eyes were watching you as you walked into the small club, ears already tingling with the reverberation bouncing off the blackened walls – if only they could talk. Musky bodies and the hint of cigarettes filled the air while your combat boots stuck to the floor with every step you took into the lion’s den, making your path to closure hard fought. Maybe it was a sign to turn back; anything could’ve convinced you to swing by the exit on your left until you saw him.

He was dressed head to toe in black with a cap securely pulled over his eyes, hiding away from the curious ones. In any other crowd it would’ve been a piss-poor disguise, so obviously him but he blended in with the dark walls and the growing crowd, all wearing the unofficial uniform of an elder emo – baggy sweater, ripped skinny jeans and torn up Vans. And you were no different.

"You made it!!", a friend greeted, pulling you into a rib-crushing hug while you took in the circling faces. There were a few you never thought you would see again, people who were only your friend by proxy and ones he’d picked up along the way. And it was clear by the way everyone greeted you that he hadn’t dragged your name through the mud, maybe he kept the details of the break up quiet like you.

But the reality for Daniel was that he was too broken to even process what had happened. He came home to an empty apartment after a double-header with no way to contact you, to make things right. Years and years of loving someone doesn’t disappear over night and he wasn’t entirely convinced that the couple of months you’d been apart was enough either. And he was right. The sharp pain in his chest and the way his hands shook when he saw you confirmed it. He was fucked.

“Fuck,” Daniel groaned and turned to his mate, “What am I doing here, man…” 

All he could do was let out a soft laugh and pat his friend on the shoulder, “You’re an idiot.”

Daniel readjusted his cap and let out a strangled, “I know.”

You promised your friend that you’d be fine, like water off a ducks back. All the side glances and murmurs meant nothing to you anymore, the insecurity you had now was nothing compared to when you were actually dating Daniel. Consumed in his bubble, unable to escape the crushing scrutiny. Another wag bites the dust, they said, gone with no explanation other than your obvious absence in the paddock.

It didn’t matter anymore; nothing could hurt more than losing him.

But you still felt it, bubbling away in the pit of your stomach. Years and years of loving someone doesn’t disappear over night, especially when you thought it would last forever. Nostalgia won the battle against the wound in your chest for a moment, still festering without treatment – knowing the only person who could heal it was miles away emotionally but was now in your line of vision. Seeing him in the flesh hurt more than you’d anticipated, more than you could’ve ever imagined. You still loved him, after everything.

The bubbles of excitement quickly dissipated and twisted into knots when you thought about what you had lost – a wave of anxiety washed over, churning away at any ounce of courage you’d mustered to even turn up to this stupid fucking show. You were cursing yourself, cursing your friend who had convinced you that he probably wouldn’t even turn up and that the odds were in your favour. She was so, so wrong.

“Ignore him and come dance.”

She was in damage control, dragging you away from the small gathering of friends and Daniel, who couldn’t tear his eyes away. His warm stare burned holes through your leather jacket as he watched you walk off into the crowd – and away from him again. It was becoming a habit of yours that he loathed. The house lights felt like a spotlight on your bruised ego but you pushed through the warm bodies, putting as much distance as you could between you and your past. The support band sounded great, mostly because it drowned out the soul-crushing thoughts swirling in your mind and brought you some much needed reprieve from your pity party.

You didn’t feel like yourself at all – you were the shell of the woman you used to be and you certainly weren’t the woman you wanted to show up as either. Strong, independent, single and thriving – you were none of those things, entirely the opposite in every way, so you had to dig deep and fake it. And you were a great actor but not tonight.

Not when you felt a gentle poke to your bicep. The lights rotating and strobing above made it impossible to see who was standing beside you, hand offering an icy bottle of Corona with a wedge of lime. It nearly slipped from your shaky fingers when you grasped it, whispering a soft thank you as the house lights went down and the swell of the surging crowd rumbled under foot.

“I wanted to have a chat but…” Daniel pointed to the stage, yelling over the drummer that had taken his rightful place behind his kit.

“Maybe later?” And you nodded yes, sending him a reassuring smile as the band began to play.

You could be diplomatic and hear him out – you owed yourself that at least and deserved closure from all the unanswered questions.

Daniel kept his distance, knowing he was in the wrong and that letting you go was the biggest mistake of his life. And it wasn’t long until his heart stalled in his chest when he heard that painfully recognisable guitar riff filter through the thick air, the one he couldn’t listen to without thinking of you and he could see the way your eyes glazed with tears when you heard it; the opening chords to the song he had dedicated to you all those years ago on that stupid burnt cd.

Maybe you missed him too.

“This ones called side walk when she walks.”

You reached down, without even looking and grasped his hand that was hanging loosely between your stiff bodies. Daniel interlocked his shaking fingers with yours and squeezed them as your head dropped to his shoulder, resting there while you both swayed to the music. You felt safe for the first time in months, comforted by his presence.

Of course you missed him. He was your person.

And this was your band; the band you shared together for over half your lives, their songs played while you fell in love with one another. They were the band you lost your virginity to, humming softly in the background and wishing that feeling would last forever. You remembered blasting ‘to a friend’ in the car on the way to your graduation and Daniel nearly getting pulled over by the cops, laughing until your sides hurt. And they were the band you would always save for your road trips along the coast, both there in Los Angeles and back home.

These were the songs that soundtracked your life with Daniel.

They were your band – and they’d brought you back together.

a//n – this was wildly self indulgent so if you hated it, let me know lol but also lmk if you liked it because i loved writing it x masterlist | askbox

[wen-kexing-apologist]

I am being haunted by the strength and the beauty of this one moment right here

gif by @forcebook

Perhaps it’s because so many BLs have been loud about marriage equality, or perhaps it is because Thailand is currently in the midst of voting on a marriage equality bill that I have this on the brain, but I feel like this moment was a really powerful and poignant statement for me. Aof as a director tends to be pretty overt with his metaphors, while he often makes his symbolism obvious he anchors it so strongly in the storytelling and scene that it never really reads as cheesy to me. But something that I haven’t noticed Aof do too much of is directly call out marriage inequality. Like, in Our Skyy 2 he had Phupa and Tian get engaged but I don’t recall any moment where the two of them were like “ah, dang it sucks that we don’t have marriage equality, let’s still just get engaged” and with Moonlight Chicken the callout we get ties directly in to Beam’s parents exploiting marriage inequality to take everything they could from Jim. And I don’t know what will happen in Episode 8 when we go to Aon’s wedding, but it does not escape my notice that this fake proposal from Mhok really signifies to me what queer people in Thailand are currently stuck with. Fiction. 

We’ve had innumerable shows have their couples get engaged or married in spite of the law, but they still have no legal rights, there are still ways they can be fucked over from that. Aon and his (now) fiance have the tangible ring, the real proposal, the real ring, the real wedding. And Mhok and Day for now can put an emotional charge/weight in to Mhok’s re-enactment of the proposal fueled by a new found love and a pretty consistent attraction, but they can’t be legally married, and so Day gets an invisible ring. And I have no idea if that was an intentional jab at Thailand on Aof’s part, but I do know that is what immediately came to mind for me. 

I hope that the marriage equality bill passes its next two rounds of voting, because I really want to know what Thai BL looks like once that fight is over, and what mantle they will pick up next.

tagging @bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, @neuroticbookworm, and @shortpplfedup as evidence that I can, in fact, write short posts!

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Intouchables and Last Twilight

So, when I was first watching the Last Twilight episode, something was bugging me about the choice of having Day in a wheelchair. Because it was a choice. And as I kept watching it, I kept feeling like I was missing something. My memory is terribly slow with these things, so it wasn't until I went back that I got it. Intouchables. So now, for some context. Intouchables is a french film from 2011 that tells the story of a french rich businessman that, after becoming quadriplegic from a paragliding accident, hires a young black man to be his carer. This is based on a true story. (Yes, there is an american version, but I haven't seen it so I can't speak to it.) If you've never watched this movie, go watch it, cause for sure Aof has watched it.

You can probably already see the parallels just from this small synopses. I'm gonna say too much about the movie, I'm just gonna talk about the similarities so far.

So we got our two main characters. Philippe and Driss. Philippe is our basic older rich white guy, with the palatial mansion and a hundred people servicing his every need. Also he's quadriplegic. Driss is the opposite side of all of this. He is poor, he lives off of unemployment benefits, his house is small and cramped, shared with family. So, Driss needs to look for a job to get the benefits, but he doesn't actually want the job. He just needs to show that he's looking for one. All he needs is a signature. Anyway... So he goes for an interview.

I think you can spot Driss.

While he's waiting for the interview, we see the other man being interviewed.

.

And at some point he's had enough.

.

And he simply bursts into the room.

.

I mean, one is a palatial living room, and the other is basically an office but you the picture. This next part in the film is slightly different in the show, because Driss is not even phased by the vision of the man in the wheelchair. He's much more interested in Magalie, the secretary, but we couldn't have that in our bl.

.

After this, the similarities continue. Because both Driss and Mork don't want the job, but both Philippe and Day are intrigued by this guy that just walked in and that doesn't seem to be interested in the actual job. Also because both Driss and Mork don't really act like what Philippe and Day are used to people acting around them.

[I beg of you. Even if you don't watch the film, just watch the interview bit. Because it's brilliant. Driss is brilliant] So Driss eventually leaves, to return another day for the signed paper. And Mork just leaves. And the next scenes are basically the same, we're shown the circumstances that will eventually lead them both to want the job. There are other parallels between Driss and Mork, and their circumstances and environment, the smoking and the drinking, the fighting... But for now this is it. I'll be re-watching the film this weekend so I might have some other thoughts but I wanted to get this out. I don't know if the show will continue to parallel the film, so I'm not going to say anymore about it. But I'm keeping this is mind for the next episode, because from the previews I have a feeling this is gonna continue. Also, I adore this film and everyone should watch it.

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Let's talk about... Mhok's Fart Proudly t-shirt

Let's be honest here, this IS a ridiculous shirt. But it is just so Director Aof to put one of his characters in such a ridiculous shirt during a poignant scene.

This is Baseball Mom 2.0

And I say that not only because it's ridiculous but because, just like Baseball Mom, it also has a deeper meaning connected to the narrative - as is Aof's style - and it's what I adore about his work, that he puts so much attention to detail into the characters' wardrobe.

But on to the shirt.

If we can get past the loudness of the "FART PROUDLY" we can see the rest of the text reads approximately as thus:

I believe a fart is a healthy, natural thing - and is nothing to be embarrassed about. I have pledged myself to changing society's attitude towards farts by showing that I am not afraid to release my farts freely - wherever, whenever - and without shame.

And yes, it's about farts BUT the underlying messages here are the parts I have highlighted.

Throughout ep 2, Mhok tries to encourage Day to get out of his room, to "open his eyes" to things, to remind him the rest of his body still 'works' ("Your hands are available" / "You can still hear"), to try things before dismissing them. He learns that Day is scared of how he is perceived by others and tells Aon there's nothing to be embarrassed about. He asks Day why he cares what people think...all the while knowing to some capacity what it's like to to be judged on face-value. And Mhok is able to let that judgement roll off him, it seems he's able to meet his challenges without shame.

After Mhok gets fired, he uses this confidence to spend time in the market blindfolded. He's not afraid to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable in order to understand Day and what he's experiencing. He proudly endeavours to navigate through the space and to eat without his sight regardless of what others may think of him. He feels the fear, but does it anyway. He has no qualms about doing more than necessary - after all he could have just walked away and not thought about Day again. But, as the wardrobe choices tell us as well, the best never rest. And Mhok is one of the best.

Day used to be "a guy with confidence", and Mhok is trying to give that back to him. The t-shirt also asks "Can I count on you, now, to stand behind me?" which, in the context of the farting, could be 'are you willing to endure my farts?' or 'will you join me in farting freely', but with Mhok and Day it's 'are you with me? Can you be brave enough to not be embarrassed? To say fuck it and live your life regardless of others?' and/or 'will you let me help and protect you?'.

Mhok cares a lot. Not about what others think of him - he had no hesitation to get naked and let people watch when Day asked ('do this and I'll forgive you' -> 'how brave are you? how brave can you be for me?') - but about Day and the other people in his life. And Day is also starting to care - he not only left his house to see Mhok but agreed to let a relative stranger take him to a very crowded and, having been shut in his room for a year, what must have been a very scary place. Which makes Day's t-shit in this scene equally fitting. "Capacity Intensive Care".

It may be small now - their care and affection for each other - but it will soon grow, even if they don't see it yet. But they'll both be getting "more care, more often, right where [they] live".

[waitmyturtles]

Last Twilight, episode 12: final reflections

Wow. It took me all of this past weekend to process this finale, notwithstanding the usual life craziness that has dogged me lately.

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that I'm confused by what I watched. I'd say that, overall -- I actually quite liked this series, and I especially, absolutely ADORED JimmySea, Namtan, and Mark, and their acting. JimmySea kicked major ass, and I really hope they get another big and complicated show to chew on.

I also want to say that between episodes 11 and 12, I felt that I saw uncharacteristic editing clunkiness from Aof Noppharnach and his team that left a lot of necessary emotional and ethical processing on the cutting room floor. I think that's what's ultimately making me feel uneasy about the process of watching this, but -- funnily enough, I'm not nearly as "angry" about the ending as I was with other bad shows that fell apart in their last quarter recently. It was obvious that MhokDay were going to get together.

But I needed to walk a few more steps with them on their journey to that end.

Before I got my eyes on the finale, a few reactions on social media, from Tumblr to Twitter gave me the case of the jibbles. Namely: that the story of Last Twilight would have worked better if Day had stayed blind through the end.

I wasn't really understanding how that construction could work without walking through some sort of ethical minefield.

Now that I've seen the finale -- especially that infamous 4/4 segment -- I understand better what those arguments were saying.

Yet, I'm still dogged by a kind of ethical confusion here. And maybe that was one of the points of this finale, another one of Aof Noppharnach's perhaps now-famous-or-infamous emotionally inconclusive endings.

To me, there are two ethical potholes that this show stumbled on:

1) The ethics WITHIN the fictional piece itself for a character to not depict the process of considering the various fates he might face vis à vis a potentially reversible impairment, and

2) The ethics of a REAL audience ultimately wanting a different outcome for a fictional character to NOT have an impairment reversed.

TL;DR — I don’t think Last Twilight spent enough time having Day consider the permanence or impermanence of the various fates he faced, including permanent blindness. I don’t think the characters, and as such, the audience, spent enough time understanding that a corneal transplant was always going to be Day’s endgame.

Last Twilight was marketed as a show focused on disability, on a man going blind in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied, and how he would adjust to his disability, and of course (this being GMMTV), his falling in love. As fans, we were prepared to receive a whole show about a character with a disability, not as a side pairing, à la Heart and Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken.

It so happened that Day's visual impairment was corneal deterioration -- a condition that could lead to permanent blindness, and thus qualify him for a corneal transplant.

What I'm struggling with is the crux of the ethical dilemma that this show was ALWAYS going to have to deal with: that a corneal impairment of the kind that Day experienced, in the prime of his life, could very well be reversed with surgery, a surgery that has tremendous success rates.

As such -- as we got that clarification in drips throughout the series -- this show was actually not ONLY going to be about the newfound adjustment of a recently-impaired man to an ableist society. It was ALWAYS going to have this door of ANOTHER major change, the reversal of the impairment, just slightly cracked open. I'm not sure that I, as a viewer, was fully prepared for this, even as Night and Mae Mhon spoke about "eye donations" as givens in the middle of the series. I believe the show needed to be much louder, earlier, about the "hope" that Day could "go back" to "living a normal life," instead of framing the high majority of the show around his adjustments to his impairment.

As we went through Day's adjustment to life outside of his room, I believe we needed to hear, FROM DAY HIMSELF, that a corneal transplant was a conclusion that HE believed in, that HE wanted. A failure of this series was that we unfortunately only heard that from his family members, leaving us to only ASSUME that the conclusion of the reversal of his impairment was ALSO Day's intention.

For a story that was very much about an individual's developing agency and self-advocacy: I believe I needed to hear from Day himself that he was good and ready for the final surgery. I only assume that was the case, as I saw his own body and mind in the hospital. But I believe, for dramatic success, that I could have used a basic, "I'm ready," from him, to make segment 4/4 more complete and contextual, against the story of adjustment and resilience we had so far seen before then.

And what a story of adjustment and resilience we had gotten, as Day had established a full career for himself, without Mhok next to him, during one of the time jumps of episode 12.

For my sake, as I process what I watched this weekend, I want to come to grips with what I thought were the major themes of this show, and see if I can come to some sort of sensible conclusion about what happened here.

This show was focused on:

1) the romance between Day and Mhok, 2) Mhok's caretaking and companionship being the lever to help Day out of his room and back into the world from which he had retreated after the onset of his visual impairment, 3) Day slowly learning how to function again in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied vis à vis his visual impairment, 4) Day learning how to self-advocate for himself in the face of those who condescend to him and/or keep him trapped in compassion bias postures,

and more that I'm sure I'm missing, but those are the themes that resonated the most with me.

I think the general feeling on Tumblr is that, save for the romance, that themes 3 and 4 were contradicted out of existence in the face of the sudden flip to the surgery of segment 4/4.

I think not hearing from Day himself that he was ready and willing for the surgery was a lost moment. I don't believe Day was ever acting as if he would choose anything else OTHER than surgery throughout the series. BUT, AT THE SAME TIME: what we had watched prior to 4/4 was his story of adjustment.

My biggest ethical concern here, vis à vis the audience reactions that I've read, is that NO ONE -- in fiction or in real life -- owes me a story of heroism. If there is an individual who has been impaired since birth, or is dealing with a degenerative condition later in their life, and has the opportunity to address or reverse the condition, who am I to say that that individual SHOULD NOT address their condition?

For me, this is huge. I believe this is a huge ethical dilemma that Last Twilight ultimately does not face. I wish this series had been much more centered, earlier on, about the utter REALITY that Day could have his condition reversed by surgery, in words he'd say himself, rather than assumptions made for him, on behalf of his family, who.... I presume were established to be some sort of legal conservators for him, as Mhon continued to be the one to receive eye donation text messages.

(I concede that I don't know if this is a more common set-up for disabled individuals in Thailand, as I would assume in the States, that Day himself would have been the one to receive that message directly.)

For this show to have seemed emotionally and artistically complete: I needed to hear from Day himself that surgery was an endgame that he was banking his hopes on. I also needed to understand, much more statistically clearly vis à vis the show, of the absolute risks that Day faced towards having permanent blindness for the rest of his life. Because the show ALSO needed to focus on the establishment of the romance between Mhok and Day, we missed out on the show taking time to explain to us, the viewers, of the absolute risks that Day faced in any of these scenarios -- and thus, we would have had MUCH more context into the nuances of the resilience that Day needed to establish for himself as he re-adjusted to society, with his numerous fates lying before him.

I'm going to borrow the words of @hallowpen in their final review here, to say that this show at the end needed much more "breathing room." I think @hallowpen is so right in saying it like this, because these two factors that I just laid out, geez -- the first 7/8ths of the series being about Day's social adjustment against the utter suddenness of the successful surgery and his sudden jump back to what's been translated as his "normal life" -- just clash so tonally. (I do wonder if we're getting as nuanced a translation on "normal" as we could be.)

I think this is about the most confused final review of a show that I've written. There is an ethical heaviness to all of this that's weighing on me, that I think I still need time to comb through.

I also feel that I simply do not know enough, by way of my lack of cultural competency into how Thai society approaches issues of public and private health, if Day’s unseen choice to get the surgery would have been a given among majority Thai audiences, AND that majority Thai audiences would not have asked for the kind of internal debates that I think the show could have used.

I feel thrilled that Day can see Poomjai/Mee, after making that wish in episode 11.

But I think, if this show was about a journey for someone to learn how to successfully advocate for his own agency -- that, at the very end, I needed to see that agency exercised, by him, to get to the part of the reversal of the impairment that I assumed he wanted.

Again: Day doesn't owe me his story of heroism. If fiction doesn't want to give me that, from a character with a recent impairment, I don't have the right to ask for it.

But the missing bits of artistry to get me, the viewer, to only an assumption, has led me to surprising ethical places, that will leave me wondering about what happened in this series for a long time.

[bengiyo]

Last Twilight Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, we learned that Day’s surgery was unsuccessful. We time skipped over his mom figuring out things to see that Mhok is having anxieties about Day and conflating them with Rung. Mhok has become overprotective even as Day has begun using his cane and exercising more independence. Mhok lied about a job opportunity in Hawaii and upset Day. Day reacted in the most extreme and broke up with Mhok.

So…we’re just skipping over the aftermath of that fight? They really just broke up and now it’s years later and Day is graduating? That whole journey ended on one lie? Be serious.

Did they really try to fake me out like Mhok might be the groom for Porjai? Be serious now.

Man, they really want this escalator scene to give It’s All Coming Back to Me Now, but I just don’t think you can earn that in a time skip this abrupt.

Suddenly Aof cameo.

Mixed feelings about Mhok assisting Day like this. At least he revealed himself at the end? It’s giving Revenge of the Nerds (1984) or The Goonies (1985).

Day has had Mhok blocked for three years???

Are we really just gonna start flirting after three years like this? Come on, now. What has changed??

All the meddling is cute, but I’m still at the three years no contact.

Unbelievable. Mhok says he did a bunch of emotional work and then thanked Day for breaking up with him, only for Day to say, ‘I’m glad we can discuss this as adults,’ without saying anything else. “This is real damn ridiculous. This is belemptious.”

Mom, why aren’t saying any of this to Day???

I do appreciate that Day and Night worked out their issues, but everything with the supporting cast feels like it’s all happening between scenes. Like why is the dad here? Are he and the mom going to reconcile? Do we care about this in any way specific to these characters?

Aof seems to like when one of his leads is holding back really hard for some reason, but Day is just not a good execution of that at all. I am not on his side the way I was with Phupha, Jim, or Pran.

If Mhok gives up the work and life he’s built for himself for three years to be with Day, I’m going to be just as annoyed as I was at the end of Enchante with Akk having to work his way to Paris to be with Theo.

So…Day has done no emotional work on his issues with Mhok in three years? I don’t even think Mhok’s issue was about even pitying Day. What the fuck is this?

That car is about to get towed!

I just know Namtam had a good time running around in an airport wearing a wedding dress.

We’re doing this whole reunion scene, so has Mhok just…processed his grief about Rung? We’re just gonna get back together now? Mhok is still talking about his mistake? We’re just gonna take over the aftermath of Night and Porjai’s wedding?

Eye donation? Oh…..this is about to take a turn.

I don’t like timing this to right after the unearned romantic reconciliation. This is a bad look. I had seen some posts earlier, and this is as bad as described.

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with Day getting his vision back, but putting it in the finale like this and rushing over the other conflicts makes it feel like a reward. It also has them quickly advancing past any other developments in Day’s life as he potentially reapproaches things he had before.

I’m feeling conflicted about them returning to the mountaintop, because there was so much acceptance in that first scene. I don’t know that there’s good mirroring here of any sort for this.

Final Verdict: 5, This Was a Huge Miss. I’m not sorry for this low rating on an Aof show. I cannot in good faith give this a 6 as decent but boring. The imbalanced writing between the romantic leads left me extremely dissatisfied for most of the back half show, and quickly showing your blind character adapting and even thriving in his circumstances just to have him monologue about being normal again at the end was so not the moment. @lurkingshan has already covered what this show messed up as a good starting point, and I want to state plainly that I will no longer be grading Thai BL on the curve of what the show is trying to be. It’s been ten years of Thai BL, and decades of BL and yaoi before it. These shows will be graded for what they are.

Jojo and Aof had big misses in the last year. Tee dropped the ball multiple times. Golf had a weird outing. New Siwaj failed me completely. We cannot worship these creators. They are just trying to make cool stories and help sell the juice. Sometimes they make really cool pieces that we love forever. Sometimes they flop. Aof tried something here and it didn’t reach the heights we expected of him. Directors are not gods. It’s fine for them to flop. There’s enough BL airing that a few shows being letdowns doesn’t leave us with nothing else to watch for weeks.

Still, I will say that I liked the chemistry between Jimmy and Sea, and I thought Mark and Namtam made a decent pair. When this show was good, I liked the moments.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

It's wild that the whole global trend of gay-focused happy ending romance shows and movies has only been going on for *looks at calendar* a measly ten years!

Just ten years ago. 2014. That's when you get the discovery of a market for queer romance series and films with happy endings. That year the OG Love Sick in Thailand came out. Brazil puts out The Way He Looks, which deserves so much more credit than it receives for influencing the aeshtetics of the genre. Looking premieres on HBO, and although it had low ratings, it's an important touchstone. And, despite Nickelodeon’s censorship and shifting the program from tv to its website, the Legend of Korra confirms Korrasami in its season finale.

The next year, in 2015, we get Love Sick season 2, and China, pre-censorship laws has a few options: Happy Together (not the Wong Kar Wai one lol), Mr. X and I, and Falling In Love with a Rival. Canada, premieres Schitt's Creek. In the US, Steven Universe reveals Garnet as a romantic fusion between two female characters, and will proceed to just be so sapphic. Norwegian web series Skam premieres and sets up a gay protagonist for its third season, which will drop in 2016 and entirely change the global media landscape.

Then, 2016! This is the MOMENT. That aforementioned Skam season happens. Japan puts out the film version of Ossan's Love and anime series Yuri!!! on Ice. China has the impactful Addicted Heroine, which directly leads to increased censorship. The US has Moonlight come out and take home the Oscar. In Thailand, GMMTV enters the BL game and Thai BL explodes: Puppy Honey, SOTUS, Water Boyy, Make It Right, plus, the Thai Gay OK Bangkok, which, like its influence, Looking, is more in the queer tradition but introduces two dramatically important directors to the Thai BL industry, Aof and Jojo.

By 2017, Taiwan enters the game with its History series. Korea’s BL industry actually kicks off with Method and Long Time No See. Thailand’s got too many BLs to mention. Call Me By Your Name, though not a happy ending, makes a big splash that will send ripples through the whole genre, and God's Own Country offers a gruff counter-argument to problematic age differences and twink obsessions. This is also the year of Netflix reboot of One Day At a Time bringing some wlw to the screen, and the Disney Channel has a main character come out as ‘gay’ on Andi Mack ( I’m am ready to throw fists with anyone who thinks the Disney Channel aesthetic isn’t a part of current queer culture). And I'd be remiss not to mention the influential cult-following of chaotic web-series The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo: "Sometimes things that are expensive...are worse."

All this happened, and we hadn’t even gotten to Love, Simon, Elite, or ITSAY, yet.

Prior to all this there are some major precursors some of which signaled and primed a receptive market, others influenced the people who'd go on to create the QLs. Japan has a sputtering start in the 2010s with a few BL films (Takumi-Kun, Boys Love, and Jujoun Pure Heart). Most significantly in the American context, you have Glee, and its ending really makes way for the new era that can center gay young people in a world where queerness, due to easy access to digital information, is less novel to the characters. And the QL book and graphic novel landscape was way ahead of the television and film industries, directly creating many of the stories that the latter industries used.

There's plenty of the traditional queer media content (tragic melodramas and independent camp comedies) going on prior to and alongside QL, and there are some outlying queer romance films with happy endings that precede the era but feel very much akin to QL genre tropes and goals, many with a focus on postcolonial and multicultural perspectives (Saving Face, The Wedding Banquet, Big Eden, Maurice, My Beautiful Launderette, and Weekend). I don't mean to suggest that everything I’ve listed ought to be categorized as QL.

Rather, I want to point out how all of these new-era queer romance works are in a big queer global conversation together, in the creation of a new contemporary genre, a genre that has more capacity and thematic interest to include digital technology and normalize cross-cultural relationships than other genres (there's a reason fansubs and web platforms are so easily accepted and integrated to the proliferation genre).

You're not too late to be part of the conversation. Imagine being alive in the 1960s and 70s and participating in the blossoming of the sci-fi genre. That flowering is where gay romance sits now. Join the party.

[blue-grama]

Aof Noppharnach, carelessness & living with yourself after the worst has happened

I'm doing a late-to-the-party catchup on Aof Noppharnach's work after falling in love with Moonlight Chicken, and this isn't a unique observation or anything, but I'm really in love with his preoccupation with how people pick up the pieces and move forward after the worst thing happens.

The conversation between Day and his dad about Night's guilt over putting Day in the position to get into his accident is in the same territory of what Tian is going through in A Tale of 1000 Stars. Neither Tian nor Night were directly responsible for what happened -- Aof doesn't seem to go in for cut-and-dried villians -- but they both feel culpable. And, most interestingly, both were simply careless. Neither meant for harm to come to anyone. If they'd been a little luckier, none would have. But they weren't and now they have to grapple with how to come back from that moment. For Jim, it's a little different. Jim wasn't careless, but he let Beam get on that ferry in the midst of a fight. Later, he regrets that choice, because if he'd insisted Beam stay and fight it out, Beam wouldn't have died -- another unfixable choice that, with better luck and more time, might have been fixed. (And another choice that lives in a gray area, because it wasn't fully Jim's choice. But in Beam's absence, who else can he blame?) Even Bad Buddy is about this in some ways - what Ming did to Pran's mom is the original wound that echoes down the generations. In that case, Ming doesn't make any attempt at amends, Dissaya can't let go, and the two families get stuck in a permanent feud. It takes a new generation to untwist that particular snarl.

And then there's the other theme that's pretty prominant in what I've seen of Aof's work so far, which is "I thought I had more time." Last Twilight's been deep into that theme, between Rung's suicide and Day's progressive loss of vision. It shows up in ATOTS with Tian granted new life after he stopped planning for the future, and it shows up in Moonlight Chicken's multiple stories of loss. In many ways, they're the same theme in different flavors. How do you move forward when something's unfixable? When the worst has happened and you can't erase it? When time is up? Ming and Dissaya dig in. Tian tries to live someone else's life. Jim walls himself off, becoming the person everyone leans on, but never becoming vulnerable to someone else. Day locks himself in his room. Night tries to be the big brother he should have been.

But life and Aof Nopparnach have a way of challenging those coping mechanisms. Tian has to make his own choices and find his own way forward. Jim has to open himself up to the possibility of happiness again because he can't actually be there for everyone without intimacy (see how Wen helps him understand Li Ming). Day has to come to terms with his new reality. As for Night, we'll see. Day is interpreting his efforts in the worst possible light, but that conversation with their Dad may have put a crack in the armor. Would getting Day's forgiveness help Night forgive himself? Can he forgive himself if Day never does?

It's never clear-cut and the struggle is always in both repairing connections to the community and reparing your own self-perception. In Aof's works, you've got to do the work to change, yes, but self-sacrifice isn't ever enough, nor is it effective: You've got to see yourself as forgivable, too.